Never Once

I received this picture recently from my cousin, the blond in the photograph. She was, and still is, one of my constant partners in crime. Recently she was going through some old photographs. She sent this picture to me after reading my canyon stories and said with a smile, "I think your childhood may have prepared you more - for the Canyon and other adventures - than you think." Unbeknownst to her, this is one of my earliest childhood memories. I didn't realize just how early until she told me the date on the photograph - October, 1986. Meaning I have a very fuzzy memory of looking down and realizing my pants were very, very muddy at barely two years old. I don't remember what emotion was associated with this fact, but judging by the picture I seemed to be quite happy about it.

I guess you could say it's been a long week, a really good week, but a really long week. A week of tears of joy for mountains overcome, and tears of sorrow for loss, both unanticipated and expected. A week of  staying up too late and "conquering the world" (my family's saying for our overachieving selves), of talking about real live grown up things with my husband, cheering each other on, and holding onto each other as if tomorrow may not come. It was all of those things that that lead me to the lake path tonight, running until my heart would break, running until my lungs fell out, running until I couldn't feel my legs. Running until I stopped to cry, and sob, and breath, and pray. And then again, run. If you are a fan of Matt Redman, listen to Never Once.  Listen to it until your ear drums burst. Listen to it as you sit by the crashing waves of Lake Michigan, listen to it until you realize you're shivering, and the ground around you is wet from rain. Listen to it as you run home, heart restored, rain washing away your tears.

I thought of this picture on the run back, and what my cousin had said, "prepared you more..." And I smiled. How little that delighted 2 year old knew of what life would have in store, from amazing canyon hikes, to all the heartaches and joys being a "grown up," brings. I think my smile in this picture was anticipating more puddles! How little still this 28 year old knows of what may lie ahead. But in all those years past, and in whatever is to come I can quietly and confidently say over and over again, "...You are faithful. God, You are faithful."


  1. Love this! You do seem quite happy to be in a puddle with muddy pants. :)

    I am so blessed to have grown up with you, and still be a “partner in crime”. What a beautifully-written reminder of God’s faithfulness. Thanks for sharing!

  2. Aw, I hope everything's okay. It'll all work out in the end. No more lakeshore tears needed!

  3. They were tears that needed to be cried :) Tonight it was gorgeous, with the smell of fresh cut grass, and instead of tears I wanted to roll in the grass like a horse!


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