Fried Green Tomatoes
|Actual edible tomatoes|
Warning: recipes that claim they are a great way to "use up green tomatoes" are liars. All of them. Liars. I don't care how much they tell you they loved it, don't believe them. The comment section is full of people who say, "O what a wonderful idea!," but no one actually says, "I made this and it was great." You know why? Because it wasn't. I ended up making a variation of this Green Tomato Pasta. And it was edible. But do you know why it was edible? Because there was cream, pancetta and Parmesan cheese in it!! That's why! Those hard nasty bitter tart green tomatoes had to be covered up with all that goodness to give the dish any hope of being palatable. I don't even know how to describe the taste of green tomatoes. Rough? Harsh? Burning? Odd. Those are horrible descriptors for which I apologize. The texture is alright. They almost taste like nothing. But there's this bite right before you swallow that says, "you should not be eating this."
The same night I made the pasta I made a salsa verde. I wanted them all gone and spent hours in the kitchen making sure they were killed off. The salsa was successful. Or so I am told. My husband ate the entire bowl before I got a chance to taste it, so you'll have to take his word for it. I did get a few scrapings off the side of the bowl but not enough to convince me it's a good recipe. (And I bear him no ill will for not sharing. I was so scarred from the pasta I wasn't sure I wanted to try it anyway.)
So, next year, if you have an overabundance of green tomatoes, have all your friends over and fry them up. If not, do yourself a favor and use them as fertilizer.
Do you, O Trusted Reader, have a GOOD recipe to use up green tomatoes? Do tell. (But I'm still not entirely sure I will believe you.)